Wunderkind

I recently moved across the country in order to start a new job, and while some parts of this transition have been difficult (namely living by myself for the first time and trying to make sure I don’t choke to death alone in my apartment) it has been a rather exciting time.

Editor’s note: choking to death alone in my apartment is a legitimate fear. When I was in middle school (ok…it was college), my father instituted a rule that I could not eat dinner while watching America’s Funniest Home Videos, because I would laugh to the point of hurting myself. For real. I choked on my food and had to give myself the Heimlich maneuver…twice.

One of the harder parts of this transition has been lacking the time to write poetry. I am working full time now, and I’ve found that a busy mind with too much solitude was the ideal environment to let my imagination run obnoxiously wild. I fear that I have lost that gift for the time being, the trade-off being living the life for which I was pining. To gain one thing often means letting go of another, but I grieve the loss of late nights, fevered dreams and furrowed brows just the same.

Last week I was thrilled to see my goddaughter Ana perform as a “bonbon” in her ballet school’s production of The Nutcracker. I was even more thrilled that while she waited backstage, she used the time to pen some poetry in her mini spiral notebook.

Below are two poems written by Ana (age 8):

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I’m pretty proud to know this kid.

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Busy – by Marya Mendelsohn

The wind blew freshness into my face
But it tangled my hair,
So I closed the window.

 The sunlight filled the room with gold
But it hurt my eyes,
So I closed the shade.

 The flowers turned my backyard into a rainbow
But they made me sneeze,
So I didn’t water them.

 The birds sang me love songs
But they distracted me from work,
So I shooed them away.

 Heaven came and knocked on my door
But I was busy
And didn’t answer.

many thanks to my dear friend Marya for allowing me to share her poem!

Ground Zero

I am so ridiculously thrilled to announce that the poetry anthology Ground Zero by Nicholas Gagnier is now available to order on Amazon.com. Much thanks to Nicholas Gagnier and Retcon Poet for allowing me to be a contributor. All proceeds are benefiting charities specializing in mental health. Pick up your copy at Amazon.com (if you’re into this kind of thing).

Much love!

ground zero

Ground Zero at Amazon.com

Winter in My Heart – The Avett Brothers

It must be winter in my heart
There’s nothing warm in there at all
I miss the summer and the spring
The floating, yellow leafs of fall
A million colors fill my eyes
The Roman candles and the stars
The calendar says July 4th, but it’s still winter in my heart

They say flowers bloom in spring
Red and golden, blue and pink
They say seasons turn in time
Their’s are changing, why won’t mine

It must be winter in my heart
There’s nothing warm in there at all
I miss the summer and the spring
The floating, yellow leafs of fall
The air in there is frigid cold
I don’t know what the reasons are
Calendar says August 1, but it’s still winter in my heart

They say flowers bloom in spring
Red and golden, blue and ṗink
They say seasons turn in time
“their’s are changing, why won’t mine, why won’t mine

It must be winter in my heart
It must be winter in my heart
It must be winter in my heart
It must be winter in my heart
I don’t know what the reasons are
It must be winter in my heart
It must be winter in my heart
It must be winter in my heart
It must be winter in my heart
I don’t know what the reasons are
It must be winter in my heart
It must be winter in my heart

[Lyrics to Winter in My Heart performed by The Avett Brothers]

Furr by Blitzen Trapper (not mine but obliged to share)

Yeah, when I was only 17, I could hear the angels whispering,
So I droned into the words and wandered aimlessly about
Until I heard my mother shouting through the fog.
It turned out to be the howling of a dog,
Or a wolf to be exact, the sound sent shivers down my back,
But I was drawn into the pack and before long.
They allowed me to join in and sing their song.
So from the cliffs and highest hill, yeah
We would gladly get our fill
Howling endlessly and shrilly at the dawn;
And I lost the taste for judging right from wrong.
For my flesh had turned to fur, yeah
And my thoughts, they surely were
Turned to instinct and obedience to God.

You can wear your fur like a river on fire;
But you better be sure if you’re makin’ God a liar.
I’m a rattlesnake, Babe,
I’m like fuel on fire;
So if you’re gonna’ get made,
Don’t be afraid of what you’ve learned.

On the day that I turned 23, I was curled up underneath a dogwood tree,
When suddenly a girl with skin the color of a pearl.
She wandered aimlessly, but she didn’t seem to see.
She was listenin’ for the angels just like me.
So I stood and looked about.
I brushed the leaves off of my snout
And then I heard my mother shouting through the trees.
You should have seen that girl go shaky at the knees.
So I took her by the arm, We settled down upon a farm,
And raised our children up as gently as you please.
And now my fur has turned to skin,
And I’ve been quickly ushered in
To a world that I confess I do not know;
But I still dream of running careless through the snow.
An’ through the howlin’ winds that blow,
Across the ancient distant flow,
It fill our bodies up like water till we know.

You can wear your fur like a river on fire,
But you better be sure If you’re makin’ God a liar.
I’m a rattlesnake, Babe,
I’m like fuel on fire,
So if you’re gonna’ get made,
Don’t be afraid of what you’ve learned.

Ruby Slippers

I needed a reminder last night.  It’s something that I’ve known, but my heart has refused to believe it about myself for quite sometime.  Maybe I’ve never really believed it.  I used to think that God loves me because I am valuable; that I have some hidden innate value so therefore God has to love me.  Some years back my thinking shifted somewhat and I began to realize that I am only valuable because God loves me.  God determines my value and loves me anyway.  He is not forced to love me.  He chooses it; often when I don’t deserve and even when I am running in the opposite direction.

I have not felt very valuable lately.  In fact I have felt quite the opposite. I have felt needy, neglected, ignored, dismissed and often condescended to.  I was reminded by a close friend last night of how God really sees me.  And the beauty of this truth caused the tears to run freely because deep in my heart I like playing emo.  I like being in the dark and throwing myself a pity party.  I was reminded of the verse from Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a woman of worth, for her price is far above rubies.”  Rubies are expensive.  The median international price for rubies * (rated with a quality of “exceptional”…and why not, God’s not stingy) is $6,150 per carat.  There are approximately 141.7 carats to an ounce.  There are 16 ounces to a lb.  A lb of rubies is about $13,943,280.  Do the math for yourself ladies.  Pound for pound I am worth (in the ruby sense) upwards of $1,742,910,000.  Yowza.

As a shout out to all those occupying Wall Street , standing up against the 1% (I wholeheartedly support your rights),  your value to God already puts you far ahead of the game.  Granted this is a metaphor, but it gives me an idea in a highly economic culture, that my value is FAR above rubies.  It’s time I started believing that.

So put on your ruby slippers and remember you are a daughter of a King.  And if you don’t feel valued, remind yourself that you ARE loved and that your worth is FAR above rubies.  Even God says so 🙂

* http://www.ruby-sapphire.com/r-s-bk-prices.htm