Doubt

Was I wrong to cut you off
So many months ago,
To leave it with a simple text
That said “I told you so”?
Was I wrong to drive away
Before you’d made your peace?
Although, when you had been found out,
You didn’t even try.
Sitting in this quiet place,
With buzzing in my ears,
Has given me much clarity;
It’s also raised some fears.
What if I stay all alone
With none to share my joy?
But you were not a man full grown,
Only just a boy.
I imagined things as better
Even when we were at war.
If I ever feel my doubt,
I’ll remember who you are.

Statements of Doubt and Faith

Until I can love someone else, more than I hate him…I will never feel safe.
Until I can remember his face…I can never forgive.
Until I can see him for the self obsessed, opportunistic asshole that he is…I will always be a little girl.
Until I can see that I carry no blame…I will always feel guilt.

When I realize that I would kill him, if I knew who he was, I will understand why God has kept me in the dark.
When I learn that healing takes time and patience…I might not feel such rage.
When I remember that he does not own my body or my mind, and never did, I will be free.
When I finally see all things as they truly are, and were, I will fall down and weep at the redemption of these things.

“One day we’ll fall down and weep, and we’ll understand it all, all things.” Terrance Malick