I am around kids. A lot. With being a nanny, teaching Sunday school, and just hanging with my friends’ kids I have been witness to the amazing things they are capable of thinking and saying. The more time I spend around them, the more I am convinced they are each on their own little planet, where what they do makes perfect sense to them. Here is a collection of my favorite things that they have said (using initials to protect their integrity – or what remains of it).
***
picking up I.
I. – “Don’t frow me!”
me – “What?”
I. – “Don’t frow me!!!”
me – “Don’t throw you? Who’s been throwing you?!”
***
T. – “Daddy…I. is in the back woom (room) peeing into a cup.”
Daddy – “Sigh…send him in here.”
I. comes in holding his ear and looking sheepish.
Daddy – “I., were you just peeing into a cup?”
I. – “Ummm….yep.”
Daddy – “Why were you doing that buddy?”
I. – significant pause and look of extreme confusion…“I don’t know…”
***
G., B. and T. sitting at a table after church whispering
me – “Hey girls, can I sit with you?”
G., B. and T. in chorus – “NO! It’s a secret meeting. 4, 5 and 7 year olds ONLY!” (in my recollection this was said in a voice very much like the witches from Macbeth, but I think it was just my hurt feelings at being banned from the cool kids table. And they were so damn specific about the age requirement, sheesh)
me – “Gawd…fine. I don’t care anyway.”
***
J. was giving me a fantastically difficult time and would not listen or respond
me – “J. this is unacceptable.” (Totally tried to super nanny his ass…and I’m not ashamed. Although it seems to work better for Jo.)
J. – “Your face is unacceptable.”
Dear Jesus, please keep me from killing this child.
***
After the family VW bus burned down; conversation in Sunday school:
me – “Does anyone have any prayer requests?”
I. – “I weally hope that our VW is in heaven so that when we get there, we have something to dwive awound in.”
Q. – “Umm…God doesn’t let VWs in heaven…just people.”
I. – “There’s a separate heaven just for VWs…duh.”
***
T. wearing a princess dress and playing in the dirt
T. – “Kwistin…do you wanna see me pull a worm in half?”
me – “Nope. Pretty sure I don’t. And don’t ever ask me that again.”
***
Again in Sunday school; theology with 3-5 year olds can be interesting
me – “Q., I want you to draw a picture of how you could help someone.”
Q. – “I don’t want to.”
me – “Why not?”
Q. hemming and hawing – “Well…I dunno…um cause I’m not even sure I want to be a Chwistian.”
me – “Stifled GASP!”, and thinking “Well that did it, I’m going to get fired from Sunday school.”
instead saying – “Well…what makes you say that?”
Q. – terrified look
me – “You don’t have to scared to tell me. I didn’t always want to be a Christian either.”
Q. – “Well…sometimes, like when you try to tell someone about God and they get angwy.”
me – “So what would you do if that happened?”
Q. – “I would wun (run) away weally, weally fast.”
***
G. and A. in unison – “You’re puny!”
me – “What?”
G. and A. – “We said ‘You’re puny!'”
me – “I’m puny?! But you’re like 2 feet tall. You’re totally punier that I am.”
***
Q. talking to our pastor
Pastor – “Q., what’s it like having an older brother and a younger brother?”
Q. – “Well…my younger bwother is cool I guess, but sometimes it’s annoying having an older bwother.”
Pastor – “In what way?”
Q. – “Like…sometimes…he just doesn’t give me my space.” He’s 4…I repeat 4.
Pastor – “Q., I just want to ask you some questions, to get inside your head and see how you think.”
Q. screwing up his face – “Well, I think you might have to cwack open my skull for that.”
***
At the pool with Q. and the kids who are intent on making me do very complicated dives, that I can in no way perform
Q. – “Now…I want you to do a back flip, spin 2 times and then finish with a dive.”
me – “Q., there is no way I can do that without killing myself.”
Q. screwing up his face again – “Um…can’t you just like twy (try) it?”
***
T. – “I. says he’s you’re boyfweind now.”
me – “I., is that true? Are you my boyfriend?”
I. – “Yep.”
me – “Well what’s gonna happen if I get another boyfriend?”
I. – “I’m gonna punch him in his face and then put on my boots and kick him in the shins.”
friend – “But what if he’s nice to Kristin and wants to play with you?”
I. – “Hmmm. Well I guess I will pway with him then. But I will still kick him in the shins.”
***
I was having a down day:
I. – “Kwistin…you are pwetty. So much.”
And that’s all it took to steal my heart.
***
A. – “Aunt Kiki is kinda like our gerbils.”
Mom – “How so?”
A. – “She sleeps all day and only comes out to play at night.”
Man, she’s got my number.
***
and I think my all time favorite (at least so far)…
Driving with T. in the car; As one of five, when she gets you alone, she’ll chew your ear off.
T. – “Wanna hear me count to 100….1,2,3,4,5,6,7,……..”
me – “T. you make me tired.”
T – “Why?”
me – “I don’t know, you just do. Someday when you’re my age, you’ll have a kid who makes you this tired and you’ll understand.”
T – “That’s ok. When I’m your age, you’ll probably be dead.”
me – almost drove off the road.
Hehe! This gave me a good laugh. Thanks! =)
ahhh me too! I needed a reminder of how funny kids are and the don’t even realize it 😀
Lol, Kristin, you never fail to crack me up. Now I know exactly where to come when I need a little humor in my day… well when I’m not with the kids I teach 😀 Children really do know how to make life worth the living. Happy Thanksgiving to you my dear 🙂