Funk

I have been lost in my own brain for the past couple months.  This time of year always seems to be particularly difficult for me.  Shorter days, months of freezing weather ahead, cold fingers and toes.  And its been so easy to see all of the faults in those around me; to get on my favorite high horse, which I can ride so well, and start ticking off the list of things I feel they need to “work on.”  The past two days have not been pleasant.  The storm that hit all of us on the East coast blew out not only our power, but our heat and hot water.  And what was left of my hope as well.  I spent the last two days buried under 3 blankets just to keep warm and allowed my brain to go in some unhealthy directions.  I was very much entertaining the idea that many of the single young men I know might actually be brain damaged.   I was hosting an all-out pity party for one.  So I reached out, and prayed for help.  And In the middle of last night I had a moment of clarity.  I don’t believe that God speaks to us with an audible voice, but more often in that quiet whisper to our hearts.  The whisper that I heard was that I can’t fix them.  All God is asking me to do, is to allow Him fix me.  So where to turn?  I felt compelled to turn to the women of the bible who stood up and turned to God, obeying His word, even in the midst of a culture that did not embrace their faith.  They held fast in the face of fiercer obstacles than I have encountered.  And they prevailed.  So I turn to Deborah, to Ruth, to Esther, to Abigail, to Mary and Martha.  As I look around at the fallen trees in our yard and those littering the streets, the warm breeze of hope is blown back into my heart.  God is good, even (or especially) when things around us look bad.

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