Reality Check

How did we get to this cold dark world?  All the things in my life that seem so important (like obtaining a Spirit Hood) can be swept away in an instant when you realize what’s at stake.   One of my dearest surrogate families has been hit hard.  Not just a sucker punch, but a repeated beating, while they are already on the floor begging for mercy.  Illnesses.  Loss of accounts at work.  House flooded after Hurricane Irene and almost declared a total loss.  Living in said house while demo crews tear it apart in order to rebuild.  On the road to vacation and VW bus bursts into flames while children are inside (thankfully everyone got out ok) followed by small children watching their family van burn to ash in a matter of minutes.  And the real heart breaker came today.  My little five-year old paramour (who threatens to beat up the boys who don’t treat me right) bitten in the face by the family dog, requiring 14 stitches and tonight facing the reality of losing their family pet.  I do not understand.  And I do not approve.  I trust God, but not easily.  I have had many full-out arguments with Him over the direction He seems to be taking in their lives.  The only question I keep coming back to is “Why?”  But then I am reminded that God does not owe us an account of why He does what He does.  He’s already proven that on the cross.

This next section is not mine but it remains one of the anchors to my soul when I start to drift in the wrong direction; that I am not the only one who sees the broken toys.  And yet there is still hope.  And I echo this prayer back to God tonight; that he will have mercy on our savage world and fix those things that seem beyond repair.

From the Thin red Line by James Jones:

“This great evil. Where does it come from? How’d it steal into the world? What seed, what root did it grow from? Who’s doin’ this? Who’s killin’ us? Robbing us of life and light. Mockin’ us with the sight of what we might’ve known. Does our ruin benefit the earth? Does it help the grass to grow, the sun to shine? Is this darkness in you, too? Have you passed to this night?”

“Love. Where does it come from? Who lit this flame in us? No war can put it out, conquer it. I was a prisoner. You set me free.”


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